missing him isn't a bad thing, anymore. it's hard to explain. missing him used to be such a destructive, crippling feeling. now, it's something I hold close to my chest and linger over. it's something that I allow myself to indulge in, because one day he's going to be gone and the missing him will fade and change again into something new.
I want to always miss him. and to love again, and deeply, and for it to be beautiful and real, as I know it will be - but nevertheless, to miss him all the while.
you're probably right, Pip. but soon enough we'll be in different cities and living completely different lives, and that's where our story is going to end, finally. so for now, I'd rather ache with him near than go on in his absence.
besides - I write so much better when he's near. it's still worth it. it's a different kind of heartache.